This report is for those who have not been to Cartagena, but who are thinking about going there. Those who have been there will probably not find anything new here. Additionally, this report has no pictures. Why no pictures? Too lazy to attach any, besides all my photos are of nonpros and it would not be ethical for me to post them. Finally, the best way to have pictures of Cartagena women is to go and take your own.
Where In The
World Is Cartagena And How Do I Get Back To The Good Ol’ USA?
Living
on east coast, I take American Airlines to Miami. Then it’s Avianca’s
direct flight to Cartagena which leaves at about 3:30 PM and arrives in
Cartagena at 6:00 PM. The return flight to Miami leaves Cartagena about
11:15 AM. Going and returning, I usually have a 5 to 6 hour layover in Miami.
What to do? First, if I have luggage to check, I do an early check in at
the Avianca counter or I leave my luggage at a short-time storage located
next to Concourse B. Then it’s on to a strip club close to the airport
called the Pink Pussycat. About a $10 cab ride each way. The times I visited
the club, most of the chicas were from various Latino countries. One of
the bartenders is the cutest thing from Spain. If only she didn’t smoke!
On my last visit, I saw this guy blow about $300 giving foot massages to
the chicas. He had even brought his own lotion. Well, to each his own! But,
I digress.
Not many flights to Cartagena so getting through customs and immigration is quick. Nowadays, I find getting though customs and immigration far easier in Cartagena then in Miami. When returning from Cartagena, you need to pay the exit tax before checking in. The booth where you pay is directly across from the Avianca check area. I believe the cost is US$29 (should have some US currency to pay this). The taxi fare to Bocagrande, where I recommend you stay, begins around $3000 pesos and goes up depending on one’s negotiating skills and the greed of the taxi driver. The exchange rate is more or less $2000 pesos to 1 U.S. dollar, making currency conversion easy to do in your head (divide by 2 and drop the last three zeros). The ride to Bocagrande takes about 15 minutes. On to the chicas!
I have stayed at three hotels. On my first visit, I stayed at a hotel a couple of blocks from the Almirante. I don’t remember the name; no loss because I wouldn’t recommend it. On my second visit, I stayed at the Almirante-directly across from the beach. Nice hotel, but not chica friendly. I quickly got tired of them hassling me and my chicas. One corner of the hotel is located at the intersection of Avenida San Martin and Calle 7. On my most recent trip, I stayed at Hotel Charlotte (Avenida San Martin 7-126, tel. 575-665-9298), a small hotel between Calle 7 and Calle 9. It is one block off the beach. I liked it because it is small and usually only had one desk clerk and the doorman on duty, so the walk of shame was virtually nonexistent. Paid about $109,000 pesos per night with a small breakfast included. No hassle with chicas other than maybe asking you to pay the price of a double, about US$6 more. Also, this area is full of restaurants, small grocery stores, pharmacies, currency exchange places, and perambulating feminine pulchritude. Sit outside the hotel and watch them parade by.Most members of TSM recommend the hotel Las Velas (http://www.hotellasvelas.com/) for its chica friendly policy and its proximity to the beach (actually right on it) and Tony the tout. More on Tony later. Now, on to the chicas!
Here, I offer suggestions on how to avoid a taxi driver like Travis Bickle in “Taxi Driver”. Taxis are plentiful and trips around town range from $2000 to $4000 pesos during the day, but more in the night. Negotiate if the price seems too steep. Most hotels have taxis that regularly work for them, these are your safest and most reliable choice, but may cost a little more. During the day, price is probably the only factor to consider when choosing a taxi whereas, at night, safety is the most important factor. For nocturnal forays, I choose a taxi driver using the following criteria in order of importance: age, appearance and cost. My theory is that older drivers are more likely to be family men who are into earning an honest living for their families rather than into such pastimes as drugs, kidnapping, etc. For the same reasons, I look for a driver with a neat appearance. It would be interesting to hear the theories of others on this topic. Anyway, it works for me. Many of the casas and clubs where one goes to liaison with chicas are a good distance from Bocagrande making a taxi indispensable. During my first visit to Cartagena, a taxi driver took me to a club that was about 30 minutes from Bocagrande. As we kept going further and further out from the city, I became more and more convinced that he was kidnapping me, but it was just newbie paranoia. Paranoia strikes deep, into your life it will creep.
Because of the distances to some clubs you would do well to have your taxi driver stay with you or at least negotiate a time for him to return and pick you up. You should negotiate the price for his services in advance. I often have the taxi driver sit at my table. I buy him beers and bullshit with him. They don’t interfere with my action and appreciate the free drinks. Also, it never hurts to have a local around should something go awry; especially one who appreciates your friendliness. If your taxi driver will stay with you, whether or not he speaks English may be another factor to consider when selecting one. Finally, all taxi drivers know it all when it comes to casas and clubs so such knowledge is not really a factor to consider. Now, on to the chicas!
Just Say No!!The one thing I dislike about Cartagena is the ubiquitous touts who are so persistent you literally want to cause them physical harm. Like roaches, they are everywhere, but mostly on the beach and in the Ciudad Vieja. I talk more about Ciudad Vieja under “Tourist Things”. The beach touts are particularly bad. They peddle raw oysters, fruits, neck massages, and a wide assortment of trinkets. If you talk to one, they all flock to you. These people have spent years making their living hawking their goods, so they know many tricks. How to handle them? Do not feign interest or even look at their goods or you will never get rid of them. Just say No!!!!!
The tout creed: It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money! One trick used by a tout selling raw oysters is to get you to try one. If you do, he starts feeding you one after the other despite your protestations. Then he charges you more for those raw oysters than you would pay at the most expensive restaurant in Cartagena! They got me on this one. How, because when I told the tout that I didn’t want any, he responded by saying that I should just try one because if I didn’t I would be disrespecting him. Being an easy-going feller (read sucker), I tried one, big mistake. Instead of arguing about the amount he was charging me, I told him to follow me to my hotel because I wanted to call the police to settle the matter. He changed his approach and we negotiated a fair deal. Other tips. Beach touts will rent you pup tents and fetch your drinks and food. Always ask beforehand how much everything costs, and immediately pay for each round of beer and food to avoid getting a padded bill. Stroll down the beach and ask several touts what the costs are to get a better idea whether the quoted prices are fair.
Tony is a tout with an infamous reputation among TSM members. His area is just outside the hotel Las Velas. There are many stories about him padding bills in one way or another. Personally, I believe most touts do this. The TSM crowd puts up with him because he is great at procuring chicas. As I said earlier, many of the touts have been hawking for years and have much more experience at handling us than we do at handling them. For example, Tony has worked the same area of the beach for over 20 years. He has something like 10 siblings, some of whom also are in the tout business. I met two of them. Read more about Tony in the section about chicas.
Despite all I said above, I urge you to be as polite as possible to touts. Keep in mind that they do what they do and they are as aggressive as they are because most have families to feed. Theirs is a cutthroat business with a lot of competition. One last point, I would never get into a physical confrontation with a tout. Think about it, you are on their turf; they may be armed in some way and/or may have friends in the vicinity. Also, while the police will probably help you resolve a problem if a tout tried to rip you off, I wouldn’t bet on getting fair treatment from them if you engage in pugilistic activity with one of their countrymen. Step outta line, the Man come and take you away! If you lose a few dollars to a tout, so be it. Chalk it up as a minor nuisance for living La Vida Loca. On to the chicas!
The Accidental
Tourist
Other
than the chicas, the best thing about Cartagena is the old city which is
surrounded by a large wall. It is vintage Spanish architecture. The streets
are narrow and there are dozens of shops, museums, jewelry stores, etc.
scattered throughout the nooks and crannies of this old city. Every time
I walk it I find something new. I just love it! Visit the Gold museum and
the Palace of the Inquisition where one can see the medieval torture machines
used on witches. Have something to eat at Plaza Santo Domingo. The Castle
of San Felipe de Barajas is another favorite. It is a huge fortress where
the Spaniards stored gold bound for Spain in underground tunnels. Visit
La Popa, an old church on top of a mountain with fantastic views. Places
to have your picture taken: fondling the nude sculpture of a fat lady on
Plaza Santo Domingo, next to the sculpture of the Indian maiden just outside
of the old city, next to the large bronze sculpture of two shoes off to
one side of the Castle of San Felipe, and anywhere with a chica at your
side.
Take a trip to the Islas de Rosario--a 50-minute boat ride. These islands have beautiful white sand beaches and a small Sea World. You can take a one-day excursion through your hotel. A really nice trip, especially if you have a chica with you. One of the islands has a hotel. Never been there, but I think it would be a wonderfully quite and romantic place to stay with a chica for one night. Don’t remember what the excursion cost, but it was reasonable. If you decide to go here and find yourself on one of the smaller boats (actually more along the lines of a small launch), put your money camera and other things that might get damage my water in a backpack, preferably wrapped in plastic. You will get wet. And, depending where on the boat you sit absolutely drenched. Finally the chicas!!
Love Will
Find A Lay
Finally
the chicas. To me Cartagena is a miniature Rio in terms of the beach and
most especially the chicas. Like Rio, you can find chicas of every shade.
In both places, the chicas have the hot tropical sensualness and uninhibited
attitude toward sex. Since each time I have gone I was visiting a steady,
I have had limited time to go chica hunting. Also, because of my steady,
I never took a chica to my hotel for fear she would find some evidence of
the stranger’s visit. Besides, my chica is one hot babe and took care
of all my special needs. However, I was able to go on short chica safaris.
Below I describe my discoveries. Since I didn’t take any chicas out
of these places, I can’t provide much information on prices.
Across from the Las Velas hotel is La Dulce Vita. I went in a few times to look around. It usually had between five and 15 chicas. Most of them were light skinned with a couple of dark skinned. Since I like dark skinned chicas, I was a little disappointed. All the chicas that were there were attractive. One night I was able to go to La Muneca. It is quite a distance from the Bocagrande area. Definitely need a taxi. It was a pretty large club and had at least 20 chicas. The quality was mixed. I didn’t find out if there were rooms on the premises. Next to La Muneca was another place that did have rooms. I don’t remember the name. Here, I succumbed to the charms of a stunning chica with hair like Lady Godiva. The allowed time was 45 minutes. When we were done I asked her how much and she replied I should pay whatever I thought was fair. I hate when they do that! Anyway, I gave here US$50 for her and the room. I could tell it was too much as she was very happy. Later, I was very glad she was pleased with the amount I paid her.
What happened was that right after we left the room, the local police, naval police and army police dropped by at the same time. This has happened to me before and it usually doesn’t bother me, as these types of visits are fairly common in many Latin countries. What made me nervous this time was that, at the time, I was the only customer and I was getting a lot of looks from them, especially from the younger ones, and, naturally, they were well armed. I could see that some of the chicas were also a bit apprehensive. Several of them were asked to show their papers. These police kept coming in and out of the place and would not leave. Finally, my taxi arrived. Thankfully, he returned exactly at our agreed to time. Sensing I was a little nervous, the chica also stood up as I started to leave. I thought she was going to escort me only to the door. When we got to the door she grabbed my arm, pulled me close and escorted me through the throng of police to my waiting taxi. The police stopped talking and I could literally feel their eyes burning holes into my back. It was a real classy act by the chica and I was sure grateful.
Went to Noches de America (Avenida San Martin between Calles 9 and 7). A few years back it was a good place. Now, it is not worth the bother. Only had a couple of low quality chicas. Don’t waste you time. Went to the disco called Escollera. In the past, this place got a lot of play on the TSM site. But, it was virtually empty when I went on a Friday night. Close to the old town is a street with a number of discos. One is Mr. Babilla (Getsemani Calle 24 8 B-137 Calle del Arsenal). These are legitimate discos where one meet nonpros. Mr. Babillas gets packed; I had never seen so many beautiful women in one place that wasn’t a place to pick up pros.
As a member of TSM, I have read all the accounts of Tony the tout who can procure chicas for you. I had read so many stories that I had to go visit him. He was all they said he was. He is a consummate hustler. When I walked onto the beach from the Las Velas hotel I was immediately accosted by two touts who wanted me to sit in their area. I had seen pictures of Tony and knew neither of them was he. Sure enough I had talked to the two touts no more than three minutes when the infamous Tony approached. I mentioned that I was with TSM and Tony immediately said I was his since all TSM members belong solely to him. Vintage Tony. To the complaints of the other two touts Tony led me to his area. We sat, drank and talked for about two hours.
He showed me his little black book listing his stable of chicas and described many of them to me. While I was there a couple of chicas he knew strolled by. He called them over and introduced them to me. One was attractive and the other was a stunner. But, I can’t, I have my steady!! These chicas were dark skinned, but he said he has a variety of shades available. I did not ask him about prices because I couldn’t go with a chica. Maybe someone on this board can provide that information. As I mentioned earlier, his area of the beach is just outside the Las Velas hotel. He said he could have a chica to your hotel room in about ½ hour. If you are the timid sort or just too tired to go chica hunting on a particular day, Tony may be your man. He is a real character. However, he is also a tout so be skeptical when dealing with him.
I like to walk and if you do you will run into chicas everywhere. The beach is a great place to meet chicas while walking. Avenida San Martin between from Calle 9 on down is also great. Sit outside one the outdoor restaurants and watch them go by or just run into them while walking. As I mentioned earlier the old city is full of shops, galleries and museums, and whom do you think work in them? That’s right, chicas and lots of them. The agency Foreign Affairs (check out their web site) is on Avenida San Martin between Calles 5 and 4. You can walk in, view the pictures, and pay $20 to meet one of the chicas. They have many beautiful ones on file. This is how I met my steady. What! You don’t want to pay $20? Then, just hang around the building and meet the chicas as they visit the agency. The agency chicas are nonpros, at least the ones I met. It would take some work to woo them. The agency is not an option if you’re just whore mongering. I had heard that, at night, there are street walkers at Avenida San Martin and Calle 5. I was only able to pass by there once at night. I saw two rather attractive chicas trying to pick up a couple of tourists.
There are many more places to go for both pros and nonpros alike, but like I said, I didn’t have much time for this sort of activity. However, all taxi drivers know all the places. Just get reliable driver and go explore or just start walking.
The Cowardly
Lion
You're
right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all! I even scare myself.
You are doing yourself a great disservice if you have not visited Cartagena
because of concerns about safety. In my opinion, it is as safe as any major
U.S. city. Like U.S. cities, it has areas where you should not go, areas
where you need to be extra vigilant, and areas where you need to just be
vigilant. Cartagena is much safer than Bogota or Cali. No bombs go off in
Cartagena and rich Colombians are the only ones who really have to worry
about kidnappings. Naturally, as in any U.S. city, you have to be more careful
at night. But, I am a lone wolf and have roamed all over the city with nary
an incident. However, see the sections on taxis and touts for tips related
to safety.
Summing Up
Cartagena
has it all: beaches, tourist sites, nightclubs, and most of all chicas,
chicas and more chicas. So many women, so little time. I guarantee that
you will have no trouble finding enough of them that meet you particular
criteria to have an unforgettable visit each and every time you go there.
So go there! You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring
at the water!
click
here to see the photos
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